Today is the last Q & A for this round, but please remember I always love getting your questions. Although time constraints keep me from answering questions individually by email, I’m always happy to answer them for the whole speaker girl community on the blog. You can leave your question in the comments or email them to me at .

Next week I’ll start a series on speaker fees which many people have asked about. Stay tuned! Here’s this week’s question:

“How do you juggle feedback? The 1st time I spoke, several people said different parts of my talk were meaningful, and someone asked me to speak at their next event. The 2nd time I spoke, it was the same thing. I spoke with different women that had specific comments, and the area MOPS leader was there. She gave me her card asked me to please be sure I registered with them so that other groups could find me. The 3rd time someone said I was “fun” and that’s about the only comment. I want to improve without getting caught up in pleasing/idolizing man.” ~Julie

Wow. Receiving feedback is a hard topic. I’ve received the whole spectrum of responses after an event–everything from lavish praise, to tears, to crickets. (I never did figure out the dead silence after that one event, but it was horrifying! The event coordinator wrote me a nice note, but I think I stepped over some theological line or something.)

Every church and group has their own subculture, so sometimes the feedback is simply consistent with that culture. For example, Suzie Eller and I just did an event together and discussed this very topic. Both of us have spoken before in very stoic, non-responsive cultures where we felt like a flop but learned afterward that we had made an impact. For a girl from the exceptionally responsive Bible Belt culture, that’s tough.

Here’s the response I want. I want women to approach me and tell me how my message spoke specifically into their hearts and lives. Although it’s nice to hear, “You’re a great speaker,” it’s not the response I’m looking for. I want to know I’ve crafted a message in such a way that it’s life-changing. Transformation is what fuels me, and it’s what I think makes a great speaker.

Criticism is a whole other thing. Two of my friends on the Proverbs speaker team who I consider outstanding speakers have told me of instances where the event planner actually criticized the message and/or response. I think we all need to be prepared to respond humbly to criticism while not letting it crush us. In the case of criticism, it’s important to be able to answer “yes” to these questions:

• Did I seek God diligently about this event and my message?
• Did I take the time before the event to be fully prepared?
• Did I get the information I needed from the event planner to know my audience?

If the answer to all of these is “yes”, then I think we can rest with a clear conscience. Sometimes there are other issues that don’t have anything to do with us or issues outside of our knowledge with the group. All we can do is be faithful to pray and prepare.

Here’s another link to a devotion I wrote about feedback called “The Opinion Blender”.

Any thoughts from you in our community about handling and growing from feedback?

Amy

I hope last week’s Q & A was helpful. Here’s another great question!

My mind tends to go blank standing in front of crowds or even in front of a camera speaking so I always need my things written out in front of me. How can I push past to be a more confident speaker that remembers what I wanted to say? ~Sarah

I had a similar question from a former client about how I organize my notes, and another similar situation with a client who wants to lean on her notes less and make more eye contact.

Here are some ideas about creating notes you can use and internalizing your message:

• Create messages around one idea or a “sticky statement”. Click here  to read more about sticky statements. Before I started using this method, I created highly complex messages with lots of points and too much information. I couldn’t begin to memorize all my information, so why did I think my audience would be able to take away transforming points? I’ve become a HUGE proponent of the one point message both for speakers and for their audiences.
• Format your notes in a way that works for you. I do a loose version of an outline. My friend Lynn Cowell manuscripts her message and then takes a mind map on stage. Lysa TerKeurst puts sticky notes with her main points in her Bible. Another friend only feels comfortable with her manuscript near her, but she highlights main points so she doesn’t end up reading it. There’s not a one-size-fits-all for notes. Just find the way that feels comfortable for you.
• Practice, practice, practice. This is the part I like the least, but it’s something that’s been very helpful as I continue to raise the bar for myself to lean on my notes less. Practice your message as you’re getting ready in the morning. In the shower. In the car. Practice it one full time in front of a mirror. All of this practice helps you to internalize your message so you can deliver it naturally. It’s also terrific for double-checking that you’re within your given time. I don’t memorize my messages word for word, but always knowing where I’m going next gives me confidence and lets me focus on my audience.

Amy

Tomorrow evening is Lysa TerKeurst’s FREE webcast for The Best Yes. Make sure to catch it! Here’s the link: http://lysaterkeurst.com/